I will be 30 soon.
Oh, 2022. If only I knew how much I’d learn about life in my 30th year on this planet Earth.
I learned what disappointment is. I faced people’s selfishness. I met pure cruelty and empty narcissism. Also ignorance (gosh, some people really are just clueless and live under a rock). Lots of people turned out to be so different from what I had thought of them and I have to get to know them from scratch.
Good thing that goes the other way around too though! I’ve become much closer to certain folks in my life and I can’t be grateful enough.
However, the most difficult part of 2022 was to learn more about myself through fights, tears, relocation, feeling of being lost, and therapy.
I’ve learned that I grew up when I was 13 and have been feeling lonely since that one night in the car with my parents.
I have faced my flaws and realized that in order to get something from people, I need to show that they can trust me, not fear me.
I had a chance to share my emotions and fears with people and in return they switched the focus onto themselves. I had to learn to let those go.
I’ve bluntly told my mom what I think about her and she bravely agreed with and accepted my words. We’ve never shared a more intimate moment.
I’ve been open about my love to my sisters because I need their love and I’ve been feeling more loved in return (which is making me tear up even now).
And I am still trying to figure out how to put myself first without worrying much about others. My whole life I’ve been selfless to the point of eventually hurting myself.
Having all that on top of the ongoing war which led to quite huge changes in life is hard but I have to be honest: I love learning about myself, sooooo many things start to make perfect sense now!
For example, I am hypersensitive, I have ADHD, I never let myself rely on others but: I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS NOW!
I turn 30 in July and I wonder what else I will have learned about me by then. For now though I keep facing the truth, challenging myself, accepting my flaws, crying a bit here and there yet still trying to live a little in the meantime.
Let me know if you too are someone who’s learning to accept and love oneself. Maybe you can share something you’re super glad to know about you ❤